I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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