just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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