who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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