Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
