You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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