If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
