I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
