God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
