they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
