Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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