She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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