Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
