I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's great music for shaving your balls
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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