I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
