I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
