Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
