all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
