I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
