YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
