Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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