well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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