i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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