he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
