when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
