She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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