btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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