I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
