I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you mean i was at the winter classic?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
