Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think my tv is drunk
Swine flu. Run for my life!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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