that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
