how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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