forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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