i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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