having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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