walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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