my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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