He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
