bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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