umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
