oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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