Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize