when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
