So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
