My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
