So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
