last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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