Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
