So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
