Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
