I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
