My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
