You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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