Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
