I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
