Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
