Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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