I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
