You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
