You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is the high leading the old right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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