imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
