i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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