Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
