Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
