Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
