good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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