dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And then my night got REAL pukey
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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