Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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