im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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