my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
